verisimilitude

it doesn't really matter what you say, no one is listening. they're waiting their turn and nodding the way they learned about in body language class or in supportive speaking training but if you ask them tomorrow what you were saying today, they won't remember. maybe you don't even remember yourself.

i used to think identity was a thing, a solid thing, an outgrowth of personality and experience and inner and outer intentions and values. but i was wrong. people are amorphous; every interaction they start back at the beginning and it's amusing to them if you show to obviously your shock that they are still where you left them and haven't at all moved forward in time.

there is a sculptural aspect to experience, to life, yes, of course there is; but when you think that image you perceive a static object, a point in space/time. all points are also waves. everything we see is light and light is, in all cases, both point and wave; but our ability to interpret sensation does not yet allow for us to perceive something's wave and pointlistic realities simultaneously. we can only perceive the wave OR the point.

so, i've let go of the pointilist view of identity, that it can exist, as if an object, solid. and i've leapt onto the perception of identity as fluid, as wavelike. maybe maybe maybe, i must concede, that maybe i enjoyed viewing human elements as objects when i myself was a young beautiful object and now that i have crossed that thirty-line, i prefer the hopefulness inherent in a wavelike perception of time.