joyful

it was your dream to be creative but you loved power more. you made a mockery of your life. drinking in the poison.

question: how did your mother die?

diana: her husband poisoned her.

question: your father?

diana: no, he tortured her but he liked her alive. he thought she was beautiful. my stepfather, on the other hand, despised her. but he despised everyone. i've never known anyone more poisonous so it wasn't that big a surprise when she was poisoned. sometimes you can see these things coming.

question: was he caught?

diana: oh no.

question: but you're sure?

diana: oh yes. i hated my mother more than i hated my father, by the way. i'm not sure why. sometimes i think i might be a mysogynist.

question: i don't like women much, as a general rule.

diana: why not?

question: they justify their slavishness with rabid, depersonalized, competitive behaviours. sometimes i think that materialism is primarily a female disease and that men go along with it but women set it in motion.

diana: yes but origins were all so long ago, it doesn't really matter who started this shit. it's definitely shit. that's all that matters, and everyone is infected.

question: but, if we can imagine what it is to be free of that infection, that means we can achieve that ~

diana: i agree. can you imagine yourself free of competition? of rage? of aggression?

question: sometimes.

diana: i can't. i think i'm too infected to ever be a utopian, joyful person.

question: maybe there's a joyful but non-utopian health too.

diana: never thought about it.

question: you know, post-modernism is all about the breakdown of purist ideologies, the exposure of purism to the light of holographic, fractal, relativistic realities.

diana: i don't read that much.

question: sorry.

diana: no problem. for me, joy is an ultimate. one of those things that you can't have til you're dead.

question: seventeen virgins.

diana: sort of, yeah.