real ease

so it makes a difference, if release is real ease or re-leasing.

question: how so?

diana: well if i am released from you and it's re-leasing, then i'm re-leased back to some other over riding authority. but if releasing me gives me real ease, then i am free.

question: i'd go with free.

diana: do you think about freedom much?

question: all the time.

diana: in what context?

question: i think about my freedoms and if they are the same for men and for rich people. i think about whether freedom can be given or if it must be assumed. i wonder what i'd do if i felt free. i wonder that last one a lot and it bothers me that i can't think of what i would do if i were free. that's how unfree i am.

diana: ah, i wasn't going to speak of unfreedom as i am now a prisoner. i was going to start us mentating on freedom, the way one contemplates flowers in a show garden. isn't that one lovely? isn't that one amazing? my freedoms have been enormous. i think this small space i find myself in now is a necessary contraction from having opened myself up so widely to life and all it has to offer. does it strike you sometimes that the world is unbelievably beautiful and magical? and against that backdrop, people are walking around acting as if it were the dreariest place, as if we live in a hell of unusual painfulness.

question: guilty.

diana: really? at your age? you don't feel exhilarated when you see what's out there waiting for you to make your mark?

question: after a few nasty bosses, a really nasty divorce, the split from my childhood best girlfriend, the death of my parents. no, i am kinda thinking this place sucks and life sucks and there isn't much point and then they send me to interview a woman who has murdered, well, you won't say, but it's a lot apparently, a lot of people you killed and i'm spending my afternoons talking to you for an article in a paper that will most likely be peed upon by more guinea pigs than read by human eyes.

diana: wow.