vast indifference

nothing. that's what i want to say when i think about my childhood, how i came to be what i am. but, if i shake that off, i have another skin, underneath how you judge me, a skin of delicacy and power that is all about discipline and walking my path with courage and facing the devil when i saw her in myself or anyone else.

question: but you didn't stand up to the devil when he told you to kill people.

diana: i dn't think you've heard anythign i'm saying. you keep thinking of killing as one thing, as one terrible thing. that means life is terrible because it's causes us to die. that way of thinking is religion not rationality. killing is interworven into life in an intricate way and is best handled with some respect adn delicacy because you, me, we are all part of the web of life and when it's cut, it affects us all. but killing itself is not a bad thing.

question: see? this is where you freak people out. i don't want to write that. and even if i wrote that, no one would let it get in the paper.

diana: that's ok. but i want you to know, to understand. i was taught how to participate in part of the dance that the "general" population refuses to participate in and i'm trying to say that being a butcher is not an ignoble profession.

question: yikes! what about mass murderers? are you lumping yourself with them?

diana: not at all. you have a plot of land. many things are growing on it. ot's a big mess. do you choose to weed it and clear it and plant it or pave it over with a parking lot? which action is more deadly?

question: the parking lot.

diana: but you are going to kill a lot more up close and personally if you decide to weed and plant. and isn't that part of why we have abandoned our land and allowed it to be paved over indiscriminately?

About this entry