knowing

biblical
knowing
that's the kind that interests me
heinlein or was in vonnegut who called it grokking? i read so much the books all merged together into one big book in my head where all the characters meet and interact. i used to dream in many cities at once. i'd be walking up or down the hill by the portrait gallery, coming from or going to the national gallery and i'd turn a corner and i'd be on a small street in paris, the old city, where i always get lost and find myself in a beautiful dream, that's when i'm awake when i'm there but in my dreams then along the way the street melts into a new york city street and on like that, rome was there. i walked these streets in my dreams while my parents yelled at me and my boyfriends berated me to come back to earth, to stop dreaming. stop. dreaming.
but why should i?
what better can you offer me?
all you do is yell, complain, bicker and whine.
sometimes, if i catch you in the right mood, we can laugh and make love and sing and eat good food and laugh some more. but sometimes i don't want to have to wait and watch for the right mood, like i'm catching a fish just to appreciate what's right in front of us. it mixes my metaphors. i'm in a place of beneficence and in order to get your attention i have to create an atmosphere of threat, danger, which might, if i'm lucky, turn you into an accomplice, and from there maybe we can get ourselves to what's right here. but often that threat does not morph in the way i want it to, it morphs towards greater violence. then what? no one can give themselves away and enter in. surrender demands an immediate forfeit. no one's going anywhere if someone has to surrender. then we'll all just stick around while we manage the prison population.