but

the way i see it is, i was a prisoner of war. not restricted in my move- ments but con- stantly under mental seige and always within a worldview that is usually described as kill or be killed.

so, of course, i was attracted to soldiers. at first, so that they would fight for me, take me out of the hothouse of death i was born into. but then, because they were the only people who understood what it is like to carry around death, like a bridal train.